WHAT IS YOUR ROLE AS OUR DOULA?
My role (or level of involvement) as your doula will depend on you and your needs and expectations. As a doula, there are three basic roles that I can play, and it is very important that I understand which role you would like me to play so that I can support you in the best way possible.
The first role is as primary support person. I am the primary support person when the father of the baby does not want to be actively involved in the birth. He would rather watch the football game or hang out in the other room with his friends/family than be an active member of the labor and birth process. There is nothing wrong with a father admitting that he doesn’t want to be involved in the process…and just like I will do everything I can to make this a positive experience for the mother, I will do everything I can to make this a positive experience for the father.
My second role is as shared support person. As a shared support person, I work side-by-side with dad, both of us taking an active role in the birth equally. He may be on one side of mom while I’m on the other. We may take turns supporting mom. This can be helpful for the dad who wants limited involvement in the birth…he wants to be an active participant, but not the ‘main’ one. He wants a partner to help him throughout the process.
The third role is as invisible support person. This is also known as the “fly on the wall”. As an invisible support person, I take care of dad and his needs…and only become actively involved in the birth process through dad. For example, I may whisper into dad’s ear, “Why don’t you try pressing on her back right here…that will probably feel good to her,” but dad is the primary support person. If I do my job correctly as the invisible support person, then after the baby is born mom will not even remember me doing anything, but will just remember dad as being “such a great support! He just did SUCH a good job!!”
It is very important that my understanding of your expectations is clear. If I am unclear, then I run the risk of having you say to yourself after the birth, “That doula was so pushy, always having to be involved,” or, equally as bad, “The doula didn’t seem to do much, why did we hire her?”
Just like everything else in birth, my role is a dynamic one…it is not unusual for me to be asked to be a shared support person, but for dad to end up so connected to mom that I end up being an invisible support person. (I would never interfere with the bond and connection between a mom and dad!) It’s also not unusual for me to be asked to be an invisible support person, only to end up being a shared support person as dad finds himself overwhelmed by the experience. (this is actually very common)
The bottom line is…how can I help you, both of you, have a better experience?
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